околоцерковные приколы на англ.

[green-STAR!]

Jokes that can be told in Church

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, 'Why is the bride dressed in
white?' The mother replied, 'Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life.' The child thought about this for a moment then said, 'So why is the groom wearing black?'

~~~~~~~~~~~~

A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was
running as fast as she could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran she prayed, 'Dear Lord, please don't let me be late! Dear Lord, please don't let me be late!' While she was running a nd praying, she tripped on a curb and fell, getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got up, brushed herself off, and started running again! As she ran she once again began to pray, 'Dear Lord, please don't let me be late...But please don't shove me either!'

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Three boys are in the school yard bragging about
their fathers. The first boy says, 'My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50.' The second boy says, 'That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100.' The third boy says, 'I got you
both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the money!'

~~~~~~~~~~~~

An elderly woman died last month.
Having never married, she requested no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service, she wrote, 'They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~

A police recruit was
asked during the exam, 'What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?' He answered, 'Call for backup.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Sunday School teacher asked her class why
Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem .
A small child replied, 'They couldn't get a baby-sitter.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to 'Honor thy father and thy mother,' she asked, 'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?' Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, 'Thou shall not kill.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~

At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and she
said, 'Johnny, what is the matter?' Little Johnny responded, 'I have pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong preaching on the devil. One said to the other, 'What do you think about all this Satan stuff?' The other boy replied, 'Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. It's probably just your Dad.'

а вот эту не стоит в церкви расскзывать
A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, 'Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?
The father, surprised, answers, 'Well, son, there are three kinds of boobs:
In her 20's, a woman's are like melons, round and firm.
In her 30's to 40's, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit.
After 50, they are like onions'.
'Onions?'
'Yes, you see them and they make you cry.'
This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said,
'Mum, how many kinds of 'willies' are there?...
The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, 'Well dear, a man goes through three phases.
In his 20's, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard.
In his 30's and 40's, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable.
After his 50's, it is like a Christmas Tree.'
'A Christmas tree?'
'Yes - the root's dead and the balls are just for decoration.'

Comments

[Annpera]

Ты специально последнюю оставила ))))))) я все прочитала. Мне очень понравились: про жениха в черном, про Джозефа)))) , про заповедь для сестер и братьев, И конечно про больного мальчика))))) с ребром
А вот последняя меня удивила. Хорошо что ее в церкви не рассказывают))))) Долго думала после лука как мама назовет willy в 50е))))
Я щас дала тому самому гостю почитать через аську , он сказал что у него ребро покалывает. Думаю я долго еще смеяться буду))))

[green-STAR!]

неспециально))) они были из другого поста, я их позже добавила
жених-Джозеф в черном меня тоже очень порадовал, и про то, что Иосеф с Марией не могли найти няню - сразу подумала: им бы Мери Поппинс))) и я просто балдею от просьбы пожилй женщины, чтоб ее гроб не выносили мужчины

он сказал что у него ребро покалывает.